Songs I Love

Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)...by: Chris Tomlin
Everytime I hear this I just fill up...I can't sing it without choking up!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXl9nWLsJtk


Heart of Worship
All around a good song...puts your focus int he right spot!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PH-snsXw1as


I Can Only Imagine...by: Mercy Me
This song takes me to the throne of Jesus! I never get tired of hearing this one!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FS5GYvg6uU



Here I Am To Worship
I LOVE it when we sing this in church... it is one of my favorites!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5hN_m55uoM



Come To Jesus
Just listen to the words..and meditate on it...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_4g8_e16dc



What Sin?
Another tear jerker... guys listen to the words and realize what Jesus has to offer you...and it doesn't involve WHAT you do or how good you are. If you have listened to all these songs and do not have a relationship with Jesus as your Savior...then maybe they didn't touch you like they have touched me...but the things in these songs are true! Jesus can erase the wrong we have done when we allow Him to run our life...Yes there are still earthly consequences for what we do, but in God's eyes, when we have HIS Son as our Savior...Jesus' blood covers those wrongs and we get the promise of eternal life and a place in heaven with Jesus...Are you ready for eternity?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaMIeOKQVDs

Breakdown Leading to Praising

Don't you hate it when you publicly break down in front of oh....lets say about 500 people? Guess what I did today! I went forward at the invitation at the end of church to ask for prayer for Mr. D and me and the sniffling and tears started...then I get back to my seat...and there was more. Someone asked about a ministry I'm responsible for that has slipped through the cracks since my recent psychotic episodes and then there was a steady stream. Next, a friend came and gave me a hug and the damn broke! Here I am in the middle of church sobbing, with the hiccups, gut wrenching crying! Why? I honestly don't know the reason. I just felt empty and the waiting for God to pull me through this darkness. I want so much to feel what I once felt when a went to church, the joy, the connection with worship; I miss it. Do I have unconfessed sin in my life? Probably, but it is not blaring out at me, so I don't know. When I do pray, I feel like I get a return to sender notice. I know the truths. I know God's promises. I know (in my mind) that God hasn't left my side. I know that God is faithful. I know all the junk you can throw at me. I've heard it before AND said it before; I DO believe it. I keep thinking this is a learning experience...a growth opportunity...and a test. Will I curse God? I have told Him I'm pretty ticked about the situation I'm in and pleaded for some light down here in the pit. Should I apologize for my feelings, for the emotions I'm having? God created me and He created me in His image..so chew on that for awhile, I have been. Okay...as the song says:

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

This song is sung by Casting Crowns...it is awesome...it is how I feel right now...I know what I need to do, PRAISE GOD IN THIS STORM!

PS. Thank you Lord for such a wonderful caring church and supportive friends...I know You have them here for me...You truly are and AWESOME God!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ

Angel Food Ministries

We have this really cool ministry that our church has become involved in called Angel Food Ministries. It has no income restrictions or requirements and the food is really good...no second hand stuff or almost expired or anything like that...it is quality food. We place an order at the beginning of the month and pick up the food at the distribution site normally the last Saturday of the month. This has been such a blessing for my family...it has nearly cut our grocery bill in half! Y'all really need to check it out. The website to find the closest distribution site, view next month's menu and place orders is www.angelfoodministries.com . The first month is kinda hard b/c you have to prepay...and you don't get your food until the end of the month. However, if you start slow...say with one regular box and slowly work up...it really isn't that bad. We get pork loin roasts, ribs, steaks, fresh vegetables and fruits, eggs,chicken, beans, rice, frozen veggies...all sorts of stuff! I've been telling a lot of people about it and most try it out and think it is AWESOME! This month they even had a special where you could buy 5 pre-made meals (frozen) for 4 people...I can't wait to try them out. Also a new feature is the regular senior boxes. Honestly, this is totally cool. I guess sometimes people are hesitant b/c they think there are restrictions or the food will be nasty, but neither is true. Well...just info for those out there...check it out to see if you have a site in your area!

Another Face of Autism

I have a sweet little boy (actually I have 3 sweet boys, but I'm focusing on my oldest right now). This little boy is loving, SMART, caring, interesting and can be very funny. Also, he is VERY handsome..at lest I think so. My firstborn son was born with Autism. I know you have probably heard all the hype about immunizations, however my son NEVER progressed normally, thus never had regression. At first he was diagnosed with a communication disorder, b/c he didn't really talk by age 2 1/2...he made sounds. I thought my child was the best behaved child alive, b/c he never made a mess and played quietly with his cars for hours on end. I did childcare at the time and other kids would come in my house and would pull EVERYTHING out and jumped from one thing to the next AND DIDN"T CLEAN UP!!! Plus they were rough (I watched mostly boys). They would run around, wrestle and basically find trouble WHEREVER they went. Not my son...he was quiet...would watch TV, play with his cars and didn't really run around alot. I thought my son was selective b/c he didn't really connect with the other kids. Well, let me say right now....I'M SOOO SORRY FOR MY JUDGING...(like I said before...I have 3 boys and the other two very much resemble what I thought was an undisciplined child...now I know this is the ultimate definition of B-O-Y!). Donald was not diagnosed with Autism until he was 4 years old. By this time we KNEW something was up and so did a bunch of other people. Mr. D and I made a 4 page list of everything that we..and others thought were unusual. And then it came..Classic Autism Spectrum Disorder...the LABEL. Life was in a whirlwind after that ...we did a bunch of things, but we never "dealt" with it...we were too busy with getting settled in a new place, getting pregnant with twins and having the twins...then one of the twins had a birth defect that almost took his (Mickey's) life. We just didn't have time to think about it...we did whatever the doctor told us to do...if we could afford it. We did get involved in a case study for HBOT treatment, that was FREE (4-5 thousand dollar treatment for FREE...couldn't pass that up)! Then the "dealing with it" began...some 2 years AFTER diagnoses. My husband and I had to mourn the loss of the son...a son that we had hopes and dreams for...who was going to grow up and have some great profession, change the world, MOVE OUT...go to college, get married, have a family and MOST IMPORTANTLY accept Christ as his Lord and Savior and grow into a deep relationship with HIM. However, our idea of success had to change. We began to celebrate the small victories like when he learned to pedal a tricycle at age 5....when he became potty trained (for the most part) at age 5 1/2. When he started to read at age 7 1/2. But will Donald ever understand the forgiveness that Jesus' sacrifice offers us? Will he accept this free gift and truly understand what he is accepting? I still cry every time I see a baptism not b/c of happiness b/c one more soul is in God's kingdom, but b/c I don't know if I will EVER see my son come to this understanding. New challenges arise... now he is learning how to deal with frustration...an acceptable way which doesn't involve running away (&out of the school), stabbing the assistant in the hand with a pencil, slugging the assistant, or screaming (we are talking about curl your toes kind of scream). One thing at a time I guess. Donald has learned things to say like, "I need a break" or "I don't know", "stop it". Donald's vocabulary increases every year...Praise the Lord! We learn every year how to better teach him...VISUALS....less words. You see one of the symptoms he has is a sensory disorder. When people talk to him all the words get jumbled up in his head...along with all the smells, any background noise, lighting...you get the picture. Imagine all this trying to take the number one spot of importance while it is being spun around like in a washer machine....that would be frustrating wouldn't it? How do you think you would deal with such a challenge? I'm PROUD of my son, he tries so hard. He comes home from school wound tight b/c he has been trying ALL DAY to conform to the world's image of normal. Am I upset about this...no..he has no choice in this...he didn't ask for Autism...BUT God did know about this even before he was born...he lined up the provisions and HE has a purpose for Donald. God loves His little sparrows...my Donald as one of them. We try not to place limitations in our mind of what Donald is capable of doing...why? Because that is the same as giving up...Donald is a puzzle to unlock and we will not know his full potential until it is unlocked. This is only part of Donald's story...and there will be many more chapters to follow...however until then...I wanted to show you another face of Autism.

See, I told you he is a handsome boy!

And funny too!

EMBARRASSMENT

Today is a dreary day. It's cold (which I don't mind) and rainy (which I do). Three of my four kids are sick...Donald is the only healthy one. However, Goofy is feeling better and living up to his name. I have all kids done for a nap, however I'm watching my Mom's dog so....lets just say it isn't quiet in my house. Right now Snickers and Cody are running around the house chasing each other like they both had like 10 pots of coffee and JoJo isn't liking it so much so every now and then she goes after them...I mean like after them in a "If you don't settle down I'm going to rip you apart" kind of way. And just now Snickers (male)..not fixed and Cody (male) fixed have just decided my couch is a nice place to start a "friendship....CLOSE FRIENDSHIP" EWWWWWW! (GET DOWN GUYS!!!!) A day in the life at the Disney funny farm! Now for something really gross. I honestly can't remember the last time I had a shower...I think it was Sunday. I really should get off the computer and take a shower so I will stop attracting the flies! Talking further about nasty... well, lets start with a question. What does your house look like after having back to back days at the doctor's office....followed of course by the pharmacy and then with 3 sick kids on top of it...not pretty I suspect. How many of y'all actually get dressed when you have a bunch of sick kids you are taking care of....let me tell you this...I stay in my PJ's right along with them. Well, today was a day of embarrassment for me! You see , every quarter on the last Thursday of the month we have a guy come out and spray for bugs. Guess what today is?! He walked in with 3 year old twins running around naked b/c they had used the potty...one which had an accident and had poop all over his butt! My house literally look like a tornado ran through it and we had movies piled up everywhere...and of course they weren't in their boxes. Plus library books were scattered all over the room and it looked like the toy monster puked up all throughout my house! In the kitchen I had not yet cleaned up were Mickey decided to pour himself some orange Hi-C and over half a gallon ended up all over the table and floor...I had wiped it up, but not mopped...so basically your feet stick when you walk through my kitchen. When I realized he had come to spray I said, "Why do you always choose to come when my house is like this?" He chuckled and said, "Don't worry , I've seen worse." Yeah right that is probably in the handbook of things to say so not to embarrass your client with how disgusted you are of their home! So I started chasing down the twins to wipe them up and cover them up and took a mad dash trying to get things of the floor so he could spray. As was doing this I noticed my bra sitting right on top of the living room coffee table (it was cuttin' into me...I HAD to take the dern thing off!) To top it all off...I have a big ole' pimple maybe a boil on the back of my neck and had put a deep cleansing mask (its GREEN) and left it to help get rid of it....I forgot it was there...Maybe he wasn't so worried about my house...he was probably more worried about the fungus growing on the back of my neck! Can we say FUN FUN FUN!

It's just a small possible side effect...

Went to the pyscho doc today and he changed my meds...get this, it came with a warning. If a rash starts to appear, discontinue immediately and call him b/c in rare cases it can make sheets of skin fall off and you can get really sick. I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING....HE SAID THIS! He started out about what this medication treats and how it could be the perfect fit and then landed me with that! YIKES!!!! The medicine is called Lamactil...please don't send comments about other side effects and scary stories...I'm freakin' enough as it is! It treats seizures, bipolar (hmm...wonder if he is thinking about some possibilities with me), panic, depression, irritability, etc. Basically it is a mood stabilizer. So I'm asking for some major prayers that I won't break out in a rash (or worse) and that this drug does the trick for me. One out of ten people who use this drug gets a rash...that is 10%!!! He said it is low...yeah right.... .01% is low, not 10%! Looking on the positive side, at least it isn't 50%. Also, if this works for me PRAISE THE LORD! Until then I will be looking for an oozing rash that may develop around my eyes, mouth, in my mouth, booty area and other personal spots. Plus it may effect my balance...which was already questionable :) Plus side...another side effect is weight LOSS!!! Now wouldn't that be nice! Hope all is well with y'all in cyber land..Ta Ta!

YUMMY!!!!!!

I have another addiction... it is harmless really...except to my middle area. The best (at this present time) dessert for me is 2, yes 2, Krispy Kreme chocolate covered donuts with the yellow ooey gooey cream filling AND a carmel frozen mocha made with dark chocolate from Sheetz. YUM, OH YEAH....SOOOOO GOOD! You see one donut is not enough...it is just a tease. That is why you must and I mean must have a second. You see the first one is so good I just scarf it down and barely get to taste it...the second one is the one I can savor. The frozen carmel mocha is like a twix bar in a cup, oh yeah baby!!! So what is your favorite dessert at this present moment? The one I was hooked to before this was molten lava cakes from kroger. You just nuke one of those babies for about 40 seconds and slip it out of it's plastic container ...add some vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup...oh that is sooo good too. The molten lava cake has melted belgium chocolate in the middle of it and as you place your spoon in it to take a bite it oozes out...oh I'm going to go in a diabetic coma and I'm not even diabetic! This thing is RICH. Well, I guess that is all for today...I was on my way home from Sheetz with my yummy desserts and I thought I'd share...about it...heck if I'd ever let anyone have a bite! :)

Yard Sales...A Legal Addiction

I know it is late...12:11AM...maybe that is why I feel so much fatigue all the time. Actually I am wide awake b/c I made the mistake of drinking caffeinated coffee at 5:30PM after staying away from caffeine for the last week...but I really needed it...I had a headache that would not go away. Good news, no headache. Okay, on to my topic. I LOVE yard sales...they are a drug for me! I can go shopping and get a bunch of stuff and not spend as much money...so I don't get in as much trouble with Mr. D. Literally, I practically start shaking with shear excitement when I see a sign for one. When I don't get to go I feel like I have missed out on something. I would say it is really quite sad, but I like them too much and I have 4 kids to clothe and my weight fluctuating self so I don't think it is sad at all. I feel like a little kid going treasure hunting whenever I get to go! I can honestly say one sure fire way to pull me out of the dark place is to take me to yard sales and give me money....there is nothing more depressing than to go to a yard sale with no money...there is no such thing as "window shopping" at yard sales. Another thing I love about yard sales is bartering or lets just say "price negotiation". I rarely buy for the price asked...unless it is truly a good price. People, clothes should never be above $0.50... unless it is brand spanking new and is a set...then maybe a dollar or 2. Shoes...please no more than $2...think people...you are probably going to donate it to Goodwill anyways and ADULT shoes are only $2.50...and yes I like Thrift shops too. So lets reason here...reduce your price to $2 and get the money for you OR not sell it b/c you are asking to much and let Goodwill get the money...just putting this out there for you to chew on. The whole purpose of yard sales is to get rid of your access stuff...If you are thinking yard sales are a great way to make money...think again...The time and effort alone is a pain. As I say this I will be helping my mother on Oct. 4Th run a yard sale and I will be taking some of my stuff over there to sale...can we say MULTI-FAMILY...another buzz word for yard sale addicts. Yes, I am only charging $0.50 per clothing item and $2 for adult shoes $1 for kid shoes and purses. Toys will vary...NOTHING over $5...and $5 is the big things...actually I don't have big toys to sell, so they will prob go between $1-$2. And all those little toys...you know the ones you get for FREE at McDonald's & such will go for $0.25-$0.10. See how easy pricing can be? Okay, so not only am I an overly anxious, irritable, depressed woman, I may also have some tendencies to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Did I mention I tend to be a Hypochondriac? For those that don't know me too well...I have a distorted sense of humor...so please don't call the men in the white coats with the straight jackets...yet.

Anger, Anxiety, Depression OH MY!

Okay...I'm becoming transparent for everyone out there and my .5 readers...HA! Who knows maybe I'll figure out this whole blog thing and will get more readers...if not this is an excellent journal tool. Okay, here is the deal... I suffer from panic attacks and generalized anxiety. I've been to counseling and to a psychiatrist. I've gotten medicine. Klonopin (sp?) is wonderful, however it makes me tired AND it is addictive...oh yay! Prozac was wonderful for about 4 months and then I put up with it for 2 more months and then said enough is enough...I want to be able to cry again...to FEEL again. You see when you are as bad off as I got, medicine that takes away all that anxiety and depression is a God send...the problem is 1. I don't WANT to be on medicine, 2. When you are messin' with your body chemistry....well things can get pretty screwed up. Now I'm just on the K medicine and I'm suffering from irritability, bouts of anger, short temper, overwhelming feelings, I just don't feel right feelings, sadness, low self esteem/ low self worth, dizziness (prob. side effect from K medicine), feelings of being trapped. I mean I can be having a good day and ONE thing said can slam me down into this dark place that is just NO FUN. I wish I could get completely off medicine, but I have a feeling that I have some sort of chemical or hormonal imbalance and I may need this tool of medication (Tom Cruise &all you guys like them can just keep your mouth shut because you know darn well if you had diabetes you would take your insulin or if you had cancer you would treat it so just STOP before you make some snide comment about medication and go and make me have to get more to deal with your ignorance!) Wow, starting this blog thing out good..I'll have a whole bunch of hate mail! Anyways, this is my life right now...I don't have the joy I once had and I really question why God is allowing me to go through this...It has been an ongoing battle for a few years now. Have I sinned? I pray that God reveal to me what I have done wrong...and so far no answer. Do I not trust God enough? Maybe... I keep hearing how God will comfort me and see me through this, but why can't he just take it away? Is God trying to get my attention? Dude...you GOT it! I've gotten to the point that I just want Christ to come back and take His church so I can be healed of this DISEASE. People if you haven't experienced what I'm talking about you just can't get it. Just recently I went to an Extraordinary woman Conference and Chonda Pierce was there as a speaker...she was GREAT...and funny. If you don't know who I'm talking about Google her..she is a Christian comedian who has experienced the depths of depression and has come through it...lucky her; I'm still wandering in circles. So...this is a new beginning of my journey...I'm going to try to record what I go through what works...what doesn't and hopefully together we can make it through to the other side called "Happy, joyful, peaceful, etc." Want to know my next plan of action? Oh well...I'm going to tell you anyway. I'm going to call my OB/GYN doctor to discuss hormones...I'm only 31 y'all...I think menopause is out the door...but if she has some insight I'm going to listen. Then I'm going to call my psychiatrist and let him know the is no way I'm making it to November I need to see him earlier. I already have a counseling session scheduled for my Hubbie and I b/c what affects one of us affects both of us. I have an accountability partner for Bible reading and prayer...and I will become more diligent with this...maybe we can actually start meeting up. Then I'm going to try to get active...go on a walk daily either outside or at my Mom's house on her treadmill. I know that is starting a lot at once, but I WANT to feel better. I don't like wishing I could run away from it all. I LOVE my kids and husband and I don't want to continue going through periods of isolation from them...and I want ENERGY again. I have hope...it may be only a sliver of a glimmer, but it is something. Jesus said all we needed was faith as small as a mustard seed and we could say to a mountain move from here to there and it would move. All I can say is "Lord I pray that you will help me improve my faith...help me trust you and please Lord heal me...don't let what is going on in my head affect my family..protect my kids Lord. When they remember their childhood I pray they don't remember this weak shell of a woman, but they can remember when I had it together and we had good times. I love you Lord and I know you promise to work everything for the good for those who love Him. I'm waiting Lord, please just show me glimmers of hope throughout my days...so I know that you haven't forgotten me. I pray this in my precious Savior, Jesus, name. Amen.

10 things I'm sick of saying (Today)

1. STOP IT!
2. Don't hit your brother!
3. Leave the puppy alone!
4. NO THROWING!
5. Stop Running!
6. Do Not jump on the furniture!
7. No, you can NOT have a snack.
8. Where did this food come from?
9. Hands are for helping NOT hitting.
10. What did I just say!

Let's just say it has been a trying day.

The Inside Scoop

I'm trying this out and we will see how it goes. So, you want the inside scoop? Well, today it will be about my name choices. Our family consists of 2 adults (although that is questionable at times:), 4 kids and 2 dogs. Our aliases are... Mrs. D (31), Mr. D (31), Donald (8), Goofy (5), Mickey (3), Minnie (3), JoJo & Snickers. Actually the 2 dogs names are real. What caused me to pick these names? Am I a big Disney fan? No, not really... actually it all stems from Mickey and Minnie. About 4 years ago our family of four at the time went on vacation...to Disney and Mr. and Mrs. D came back with some very interesting souvenirs...Mickey and Minnie...however we didn't find out about this until a month or so later. Remember that Disney Vacation commercial "The Littlest Souvenir"? Well, think that times 2 :) I really have no idea what direction this blog will take... but it will probably involve humor...our house is full of that!