Breakdown Leading to Praising

Don't you hate it when you publicly break down in front of oh....lets say about 500 people? Guess what I did today! I went forward at the invitation at the end of church to ask for prayer for Mr. D and me and the sniffling and tears started...then I get back to my seat...and there was more. Someone asked about a ministry I'm responsible for that has slipped through the cracks since my recent psychotic episodes and then there was a steady stream. Next, a friend came and gave me a hug and the damn broke! Here I am in the middle of church sobbing, with the hiccups, gut wrenching crying! Why? I honestly don't know the reason. I just felt empty and the waiting for God to pull me through this darkness. I want so much to feel what I once felt when a went to church, the joy, the connection with worship; I miss it. Do I have unconfessed sin in my life? Probably, but it is not blaring out at me, so I don't know. When I do pray, I feel like I get a return to sender notice. I know the truths. I know God's promises. I know (in my mind) that God hasn't left my side. I know that God is faithful. I know all the junk you can throw at me. I've heard it before AND said it before; I DO believe it. I keep thinking this is a learning experience...a growth opportunity...and a test. Will I curse God? I have told Him I'm pretty ticked about the situation I'm in and pleaded for some light down here in the pit. Should I apologize for my feelings, for the emotions I'm having? God created me and He created me in His image..so chew on that for awhile, I have been. Okay...as the song says:

Praise You in This Storm
words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

Chorus

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

Chorus

This song is sung by Casting Crowns...it is awesome...it is how I feel right now...I know what I need to do, PRAISE GOD IN THIS STORM!

PS. Thank you Lord for such a wonderful caring church and supportive friends...I know You have them here for me...You truly are and AWESOME God!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGPS8sa-bRQ